slapstick

seriously? v2.0

i just watched a commercial that advertised a pregnancy test as “the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on.”

also: i didn’t quit the job. and no one else wants to hire me. i am exploring courses of action now.

you think you’ve seen everything, and then you see a commercial with a charmin bear vacuuming another charmin bear’s asshole.

my grandparents are in canada, and there is a race riot happening now at my high school.

my esophagus is burning. i can’t tell if this is because i’m hungry or because i accepted an “initiation dare” to take a shot of extra extra hot sauce (known at zaxby’s as “insane”). making the initation more pointless: i’m quitting the job next week,  bringing my time at the job to a mere two and a half weeks.

the tv is really stressing my mom out right now. she thought she was watching walker, texas ranger. in reality, amc was showing braddock: missing in action iii, prompting my mother to ask, “why is chuck norris actually killing people?”

note to self: read carefully, so as to make sure not to confuse “perils” and “penis.”

my suitemate is filming a zombie movie for physics class.